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Why She is Saying "No!" Then Change Her Mind When Pressured in the ONLY Way Possible

Kevin Hogan

Doesn't she think clearly?

Did she even THINK about it for just ONE second?

Is your client really some brainless client in disguise?

You meet with your client and they say.... "no," even BEFORE they have all the facts about how much you could help them.

They might say, "I've got to think about it."

But invariably that means, "No, but I don't want to have to say 'no'."

And it doesn't make sense.

Their current person, product or service they are using is clearly inferior.

It makes no sense.

WHY would they say "no?"

KEY POINT: When people feel pressured to change...they won't. There is one exception and it's about the TYPE of pressure.

The Anti-Authority Message Reaction

Your customer could have a $50 bill in her hand and you could offer a $100 in exchange and your customer can easily say "no!"

WHAT?

Read it again. It's the teen reaction that never went away...the anti-authority message reaction.

Remember from our previous work, that people have a gut level "no" (reactance) to anything that is not familiar...and they have a reasoned thought resistance that says "no" until they've had a chance to step back and evaluate anything that they don't regularly experience.

And THEN you have additional reactions to authority.

There can be a lot to overcome between "no" and "yes."

KEYPOINT: A growing body of research about "reactance" shows that when people are told to do the opposite of what they believe they have a tendency to over-react in the direction of their current behavior.

For example: If someone is a cigarette smoker or abuses alcohol, and that person sees authoritarian messages to not do those things....you got it....the person smokes/drinks MORE.

And that is not just speculation on my part. The research is abundant. The more intense the warning on the cigarette package, the more quickly people go through the cigarettes and the more they smoke.

I travel out of the country quite regularly. When I was in Australia...Sydney...I went grocery shopping (that was an experience that taught me why Americans are fat...I'll save that for another day).

I went to a part of the store where they were selling cigarettes. I was drawn to the area because there was a big sign that said, "Cigarettes cause death." There was a skull and cross bones on the sign... and a line of people waiting to buy cigarettes.

There is no logic involved here. Cigarettes simply erase years from your life. But the smoker is not smoking for logical reasons.

By telling the person to quit smoking, you are pushing their anti-authority button. You are telling them they are stupid...or worse...that you are smarter than they are!

If the pressure you use is directly from you and it is perceived as a win/lose, the other person says, "no," AND they hit the brakes and dig in for a fight, defending their position more vigorously every second of the way. That's just how it is.

But there is one kind of pressure that does work with women and not men....

DO THIS: Think of yourself as a magnetic field with a field pushing out away from you. And the other person has the same magnetic field coming out of them. In other words, North faces North.

What happens?

Polarity....the magnets literally repel each other.

It's a fascinating metaphor because it is amazing to watch it happen on your coffee table with two magnets....just like it is in real life with people...

• So, you can't pressure in the commononly understood definition of pressure.
• You can't "push."
• You can't have an authoritarian message and expect the customer to say, "yes."

It won't happen.

But your pressure could easily cause them to sign a long term contract...with your competitor.

Men typically won't cave to any type of pressure. Women will yield to ONE kind of prsesure. You will be surprised....

Does Everyone Have the Same Response?

What's interesting is that not everyone responds with the polarity reaction. Generally there are two groups of people who predictably WILL react North to North.

A) People who participate in the behavior you are trying to get them to change.

People who are normally contrarian in general or to you or your message specifically.

FACT: Reactance is TRIGGERED by OVERT influence attempts that are particularly dogmatic or authoritarian in *content* or *delivery.*

Reactance Triggers

Anything else trigger reactance?

Yes.

Keypoint: A growing body of research shows that "low credibility messengers" (spokesmen/salespeople/etc.) are regularly met with reactance that ties the person being "persuaded" more closely to the status quo.

More?

Yep.

Keypoint: If some part of a person's freedom is threatened (or perceived to be threatened, which is all that really matters!) in any way, you can know that "North" will be out in full force.

What About That Teenager?

And what ENHANCES REACTANCE?

The reactant personality of course!

What's that?

The reactant person is one who has a STRONG desire to MAKE THEIR OWN CHOICES.

Generally teens have a much stronger tendency to intense reactance than older people.

But of course, reactance is found in all ages.

In one study, the sign, "Danger - Shallow Water: No Diving!" increased kids diving significantly...but only in kids who had dived into the shallow water before. It had no effect on those who had not.

In another study, smokers who saw packs of cigarettes with NO health warnings on the packaging caused no change in smoking behavior. Those with strong warning labels caused the individuals to smoke MORE.

The volume of data here is overwhelming.

In the case of using "fear" in messages specifically, that would need a separate article...or book...but in general it works like this:

Fear and Reactance

Fear is only useful and effective when used "mildly." Messages that contain "strong" or "intense" levels of fear cause reactance and CAUSE the opposite behavior.

KEYPOINT: There are exceptions but in general, a little fear goes a long way...and a lot of fear kills the message...and causes that which you want to change...to become more grounded.

Soften Your Message

Obviously we all experience reactance, and often, but depending on personality and circumstances, a lot of people will react much more intensely than others.

If you had to adopt only one idea to increase success in persuasion and influence it would be to SOFTEN YOUR MESSAGE.

Softening the message will influence men.

That isn't going to work with women.

Women require knowledge that authority figures they respect have concluded that what you are proposing is what the authority figures have approved of. When women know that authority figures they respect, both men and women, have overwhelming concluded that the idea on the table you are presenting is the best "way," THAT is the ONE and only kind of pressure that will predictably turn "no" into "yes."

Most types of pressure simply can't work with 90% of people and that is why salespeople talk about "numbers" and "percentages." With Covert Influence you can reduce that 90% by half because it wires into the predetermined decision making rules of thumb each unique person is driven by.

That's for next time. For now, recognize that women change their minds in dramatic fashion when they know the respected authorities overwhlemingly agree with a proposal....and...for men...they do not care what the respected authorities overwhelmingly think...and only message softening is effective on the pressure/no pressure continuum.

Most people believe the opposite to be true, but that's why most people can't get a "yes" from someone....they don't know how people think and don't spend the time to learn.